I'll have a P please Bob

True Story...

We were sitting outside a restaurant last night and my friend Andy needed the loo. It was quite a decent restaurant and when Andy asked the waiter the way to the toilet, the waiter politely said he'd show him the way.

He took him to the side of the restaurant and said 'Is Indian toilet OK?', when Andy replied 'yes', the waiter pointed to the side wall of the restaurant and said 'there you go'. 

BRILLIANT!

A Tomboy at Last

When I was growing up I was always jealous my sister was called Terrie. I wanted a boy's name! Well I have finally got my wish. In India Vicky is a boys name. 

When the children ask my name and I say Vicci, they repeat 'Nicky?' the girls equivalent. I say 'No', 'Vicci' which results in them falling about laughing, or pointing 'you a boy', 'you a boy' as just happened outside the internet cafe.

Maybe it's time to start growing my hair long again !!

Absolutely Charming

Never one to look a gift horse (or gift snake) in the mouth, I happened upon this wee boy and his slimy friend outside a fort in Jaipur.  Quite bemused that I wanted to do the 'charming' myself, he handed over the whistle and watched me poo myself as I blew into it and the snake shot out my way!!! I'm happy to admit that I was terrified as Andy kept telling me he hadn't quite got a picture and could I get a bit closer. In hindsight, I don't know what was more dangerous, antagonizing a snake OR putting the gob filled whistle near my mouth. 

Another challenge ticked off and I live to see another day!

Mirror, Signal ...sod that, just go !!

Second week and time to attempt a second challenge. As you can't walk down the streets of Udaipur without being run over by a tuk, tuk, I decided it was time to get in the driving seat and pick myself up a fare. Not one to take to the roads lightly, I decided that a driving lesson was definitely the way forward. Enter TIGER, the best Tuk, Tuk driver in India. After crossing his palm with silver (or a smelly, tattered note to be precise) he let me take charge of his machine.

Believe it or not, the words duck to water come to mind. I totally had it pinned from the off. I was expecting to complete this challenge by getting a passenger to let me start up the engine and chug a few metres down the road. Oh no. The lovely lady in the pic is Caitlin a 20-year-old student from Melbourne and she had a 25 minute sightseeing tour of Udaipur with me at the helm (and Tiger's foot hovering over the brake!!). God love her, she even paid me.

Job done.

I am now fully trained in how to hold my hand permanently on the horn whilst one handedly navigating a roundabout and blasting bollywood tunes from the boot!!

Definitely one of the most fun (if somewhat hair-raising) things I have done in India so far!!!

Lola lends a hand

Less than a week in and I've got one of the challenges under my belt already. The first piccie is of a lovely camel called Lola, and the second pic is of me, in a sari, on the lovely camel.

This in itself may not seem too impressive. Buy a sari, find a camel - job done!

In principle, I agree.

The real reason you should admire my completion of this challenge is because the night before the challenge, I was struck with my first bout of Delhi Belly in the desert. Just prior to having this pic taken I had emptied the contents of my stomach in the sand. Two hours later, after alighting the camel, I projectile vomited over three people in the back of a jeep - how NOT to make friends in India. Ho Hum.

If I had also taken piccies of the other people mad enough to get up at 6 O'Clock in the morning to ride a camel, you would have noticed a lot of jumpers, scarfs, hoodies and hats. It was more than a tad chilly.

Please note that although it looks like I am wearing a particularly unstylish purple tracksuit, I assure you there is a hell of a lot of sari tucked in my pants !!!!

Sari Angels

Forget Charlie's Angels, I think I'm on to a winner with my latest Bollywood script idea....

Sari's Angels!!!

Mrs Vicci Ramjeet

Since arriving in India I have discovered I am 'very fine', I am also 'mighty fine' and on one occasion was known to be 'sexy fine'. It seems I have finally found my market. Given this enthusiastic reception from the opposite sex, I have decided I am in a perfect place to find a husband. Thea, my friend in Delhi is threatening to put my profile in the local paper. Unlike our personal ads that run to a couple of lines and dodgy abbreviations I can never understand (G.S.O.H, W.A.N.K etc), dating is a serious business here and you pretty much have to divulge your CV. Apparently because of my skin colour, caste and education, I could be a bit of a catch. However because I'm an old bird, I have to knock off a few bachelorette points. I have no kids, so again that is a bonus, but you have to declare your salary so I'm pretty buggered in that department as well. Believe it or not they even print their fathers profession and his income on the ads.

I have decided to forgo the media middleman and head straight to a serious no nonsense source. Enter 'The Mathchmaker'. Expect an announcement of my engagement any day now.

And on the subject of dating, I think singletons in London could learn a lot from couples over here. As you can see from my lovely piccie, each house is painted with the names of the occupants and the date they got married (in very tasteful green lovehearts). So the next time a guy picks you up in a bar and invites you back to his, you can pretty much call it a day as soon as you see Kev & Shaz 1992 printed on his cul-de-sac semi !!!! It would certainly save a lot of heartbreak in the long run!