Saturday, 2 February 2008
L is for....
... yes folks, I hate to admit it but I lost.
Just three months ago I was set a series of challenges to complete on my Asian Adventure. I embraced them with as much zeal as the China Challenges and felt quietly confident that I would again redeem the prize. Alas the small matter of geography now stands in my way.
The reason I can no longer complete my Asian challenges is because - I'm in Oz!!!
I had planned to go back to india (and commence the challenges) after Sri Lanka but I loved it there so much that I stayed a little longer than expected, various visas ran out and ultimately I got a standby flight to Oz.
So.... Miche, Dave, EmmaJo, Masky & Ant it is with heavy heart that I have to report that I failed you. I did however get to drive a tuk tuk round India which was definitely one of my highlights of the trip, and even more important than that I got a fiance. So at least some good came out of it!!!
And on another upside, I am now in a country where Policemen wear hotpants on bikes!!
So, I'm a big, fat, loser and I can't claim the prize but I'll sum up my feelings using the words of a very wise local this afternoon... No wucking Forries.
Love to you all and cheers for reading
... now what to call the Ozzie blog???
Friday, 25 January 2008
My lap of luxury.
Not a hardship really as it gave me an excuse to upgrade to a luxury bus.
Thus I found myself this afternoon paying a whole 30p extra to board my first deluxe A/C bus, to take me half way across Sri Lanka.
The first thing I notice on entering the bus is that A/C obviously stands for contaminated air, and I don't mean the usual farty, sweaty, urine smell - this was more like a rotting animal corpse. Inspection of my seat did not lead to the discovery of anything dead so I plonked myself down a whole 30 minutes early and got ready for the adventure to begin.
The scene outside could best be described as a cross between Kings Cross in rush hour meets Wembley on match day. There's a man outside the bus screaming the destination, which, lets for argument sake is Leeds, and it goes something like this...............
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
The bus rapidly fills up as people keep disappearing behind me into the tardis like back of the bus.
Still 15 minutes to go and all seats are taken. Still the man screams
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
5 minutes to go and it's standing room only.
By the time the conductor-cum-mechanic-cum-racing car driver finally takes up his position in the front seat, I can no longer see the "Maximum 22 people" sign as there are at least 37 heads obscuring my vision.
But at least we're on the move.
We slowly proceed out of the bus garage as the driver screams out of the window...
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS!!!!
...and even more people keep jumping on.
At least I have a seat.
The one thing about Sri Lankan buses that amused me when I first started travelling, is that if there are no seats left and you are forced to stand, then you put your belongings on the lap of a seated passenger without so much as a 'would you mind?'. It's just common practice. It confused me no end the first time a man stood (alarmingly close to my head) and dropped his coat and umbrella in my lap.
Anyhows on my latest little journey I have discovered that this practice does not stop at shopping and bags. Whilst seated in my 'deluxe A/C' seat this morning, I was more than a little shocked when someone handed me a child!!!!!! I swear to you, I am not making this up. Even my imagination isn't THAT vivid.
It (I still have no idea of its gender) then proceeded to eat my hair!!!!! Much to the amusement of its father - who refused the offer of my seat and was obviously glad of the break.
To add to this scene of joy, the old codger sitting next to me used my distracted state to his advantage and spent most of the journey 'accidentally' brushing his elbow across my chest.
There is an old saying that goes .... "you get what you pay for." Well I'm here to tell you it's crap. I payed for a deluxe a/c bus and got molested and eaten.
Sorry Sis, a promise is one thing but nappy rash in your face for five hours is another. I'll take my chances on the public bus any day!!!!
Early Bird...
Giddy-up Geeta
On quick inspection there's a country club, a golf course and my own personal UK favourite - a racetrack. Ascot it ain't as half of it is dug up and the other half is being used as a cricket pitch, but on this particular day I could just about make out some equestrian activity on the outside track. It seems on Sunday morning's the racetrack is let out to the local pony club for a wee bit of training.
With a distinct lack of actual races during the 'off' season, local gamblers have also got wind of this practice and there's a bit of 'under the table' action going down. And so it is I find myself on a wet Sunday morning screaming my head off as Pippy longstockings and her mates canter the beejesus out of some poor donkeys, all because I've bet about 20p on the outcome.
Am I proud of myself? - No.
Was it morally wrong? Probably.
Did I win? Too damn right I did !!!!
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
It's the end of the world as we know it.....
Fear not folks, I have not had a near death experience and am not about to bleat on about long corridors with bright lights. There is a much easier way to see the end of the world. Just walk there.
This is me sitting at the end of the world, or WORLDS END as it is correctly called. I can't say I've often thought about the end of the world, but if I did, I don't think I'd envisage German tourists and a tuck shop.
Ho Hum.
Despite going to the end of the world, I live to see another day.... although I was halfway through my (decidedly stale and chewy) cornflakes this morning before I realised about 57 ants were doing breast stroke in the milk.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I don't feel fine, I feel a small stomach upset coming on if you must know!!